Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Will We Learn? Feeling Better...

Mr. Olive and I had been so super-excited - until, as you've read, we were punched in the gut.  What was the problem, you say? Well....a week ago we thought we would be on our way to pick up a little baby boy to add to our 3.5-member family (I'm giving the dog the half!). We have struggled for seven years to have our newlywed-ideal of 3 children. We are surely blessed to have the one we have - and she is a true gem - but we always thought we'd have more children.  Alas, it was not in my cards.  After so many years and disappointments, we discussed adoption.  It made us nervous and excited at the same time, but frankly, the huge expense and daunting process with no 'guarantee', gave us pause.  We always said "if it were meant to be, it will be". 

So what happened??  It felt like our Hollywood moment with the heavens opened up and the golden sunshine from God raining down on our little family......we happened upon a circumstance where a little baby boy was going to need a stable, secure, loving home.  We were so lucky to be considered and then informed that we'd get the little bundle.  Since we hadn't planned to adopt, and the little baby was due in early March, we didn't have alot of time to get all we needed.  We scrambled to get everything in order, not only on the legal-side, but also the home-side. We wanted to make sure the birth-parents were sure before we became so invested and were assured they were all-in. February brought the ultrasound for due date and gender - a BOY!!  Hooray!! - and still we asked if prepared to continue moving forward. March rolled around - we got all our baby gear out of storage, bought new clothes, stocked up on diapers and formula, and I guess I don't really need to say the end result. Labor started on a Saturday night - I went to bed early bc of all the last-minute prep we did - and Sunday morning the rug was pulled out from under us.

The birth-parents are young, but no matter how young, there is no excuse to send a TEXT message to the family that you told would be adopting your child, to inform that you've changed your mind. And it was nothing like 'we cannot bear to give up our child and please know how sorry we are to have put you through preparation, hope, expense, and emotional turmoil over our changed decision'. It was exactly "sorry for the late notice, but we decided to keep the baby".

That was it. Nice.

Since we're both still pretty bruised, over the weekend Mr. Olive said "Let me tell you a story.....There is this man who goes up to a house and rings the doorbell.  The owner opens the door, punches the man in the face, and shuts the door.  The man rings the bell again....answer....punch....shut.  Ring....answer.....punch....shut. Ring....answer....punch...shut.  When does the man stop ringing the bell?"  You all know the point he's making.  Part of me thinks this disappointment was worse than others because there was actually a living being on the other end, not just a failed test result, although we always knew there was a chance of a changed-mind.  I think the man stops ringing the bell once he's lost hope of not getting the punch. 

So, I'm done wallowing inself-pity.  No more 'sad sad' posts for this girl.  BUT now that we have a home study and a closet full of diapers and formula....feel free to contact us if anyone knows of a baby in need of a great family!!  ha ha

I also want to thank my fantastic blog friends who've left me cheery bits last week - each one made me smile.  A bonus TU to WendiWinn - who gave me the Sunshine Award because she knew I needed a little bit extra last week.  And if you haven't read her blog....skip on over to it....she cracks me up.
I'd like to bestow the Sunshine Award on Ilena at Have You Seen My Dragon?  because she needs some too.


  1. keep ringing that doorbell.

  2. You know I just had a feeling that this was what your disappointment was about. Don't give up, I so agree with Wendi, keep ringing. My heart truly goes out to you.
    and thanks for the Sunshine, you thinking of me has certainly brightened my day.

  3. don't give up, and it's okay to be sad.
    I'm crossing my fingers for you.


  4. Awww...that just breaks my heart!!!

    Follow your heart. If you think it's God's plan for you to have more kids...then you're probably right. {{hugs}}

  5. Aunt LoLo- I'm thinking with our track record, God only meant for us to have one....but I still remain hopeful. :-)

  6. oh my, oh my, oh my!!! I can't imagine your disappointment. I'm so sorry. What a crazy ride and I'm sorry that the couple was so uncaring about your feelings. I say keep ringing the bell but put a mask on.

  7. We are blessed to have 2 sons, I can't imagine being told after all that planning and excitement, that they have changed their minds. Hopefully it works out for them and especially for the baby. Keep praying & hoping, it will work out!
    Have a really wonderful weekend!

  8. I can't believe I just learned more about what you are going through by reading your blog than after spending almost the whole weekend with you. I'm so sorry. You are amazing.


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